Lately, I've been thinking about the idea of change and adaptation.
It's been about 4 months since I graduated and moved back home and it's finally starting to hit me that I'm in a major transitional shift in my life. I guess it would have settled in sooner if the past few months hadn't been so topsy-turvy.
Four months ago, I was so happy to be finished with school, to move out of the "Boulder Bubble", and to move back to San Diego, where it doesn't snow and where all the people that I love and care for live. I was home for a month and a half or so before I left for Israel and Europe. I had an amazing time, but I couldn't wait to get back home to begin my so-called adult life. Just a couple days after I got home, my best friend passed away completely unexpectedly, just two days after his 23rd birthday. It turned everything upside-down.
I would've shared this sooner, but I didn't know what to make of it.Now it's been nearly two months since his death and things are slowly starting to become less blurry.
I would not consider myself a religious person. I don't necessarily believe in a Heaven, a Hell, or a God for that matter. Perhaps if I was religious, it might be easier to come to terms with his death, but then again, nobody said coping was an easy thing.
Before this happened, I never really spent much time thinking about death. After all, nobody close to me has ever passed away before. Now, I believe that when somebody you care deeply for passes away, bits and pieces of them live on through the people that they knew.
I feel that a piece of him has entered my spirit. Even though I welcomed it warmly, it has thrown my equilibrium off balance and it has been changing me in certain aspects as I assimilate to it, especially in the form of the relationships I have with others. Lately, I have been receiving a lot of unwarranted negative energy from people that I feel close to. It is upsetting and distressing. It doesn't feel fair in any way.
The other day, my brother brought up the idea of spiritual awakening. I wanted to learn more, so I hit the internet and found a (discernibly subjective) dot org website describing the symptoms of ascension, such as, "a sudden disappearance of friends". It explained that when one experiences a spiritual awakening, they are evolving beyond who and what they used to be, and that consequently, their environment and the people they surround themselves with no longer match their vibrational energy.
The funny thing about change is that as soon as you start changing, the world around you (as you know it) also changes. Your environment might not look any different, it just feels different, and at times uncomfortable. You can battle it, or embrace it. I'm thinking it's going to be a lot easier to act upon the latter.
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